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By irisjoan · April 12, 2012 · 0 Comments ·


Truly experiencing the meaning behind those words. 
I shall just bask in this warmth,
and remember it in my heart.

Meanwhile, i hope it slows down.

UPDATE - 장애물

By irisjoan · March 29, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

Sorrow gives me the security of a home.

The road before me is clear, 
and I see my destination ahead.

But I've lived long enough,
to realize nothing is as perceived.

It's not scary, when an obstacle in visibly before you.

What's scary, is when you are that obstacle.
The one who's engulfing that light ahead.

"Even when I go out to happiness, I know well now that I'll always come back home." - TABLO, Home.


By irisjoan · March 16, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

Before a flush of astonishment or shock comes, 
there's this short-lived moment of peace and silence.
Everyone's holding their breath.

Sometimes i wish that moment stays on for a longer time.

I'm enjoying life right now.
Holidays, good grades, happy family, love & friendship, music, aspirations.
But all these feel like the exact moment of breath holding.

I wake up everyday, sit up and wonder, did my moment end already?
It's really too hard to grasp time.

Too many things were going on for me, and in order to lengthen this happy moment,
i felt the need to slow myself down and not to be so into it.
So i took one minute.

I was inspired by the book "The One Moment Master",
and I did the "The Basic Minute" test.

The one minute i lived in, felt so insufficient.
Time usually go slow for me, but this time, as i focus on my breathing,
time speeds through, ignoring my desire of staying put.

According to the author Martin Boroson,
"The Minute might seem frustratingly long if you are worried about something"
"Or the Minute might go by too quickly and leave you waning more."
I guess i experienced the latter.

Within that minute, i felt rested.
Emptying my brain, it's like the feeling you get from cleaning your room out. 
You hear things you once didn't, see things you once couldn't, and understand things you once wouldn't.

It also made me realize how frustrating it is to not have control over your own thoughts.
While trying to focus on nothing, i kept thinking "come on, empty your mind..."

I realized thoughts of emptying means your mind's not emptied afterall.

If you have thoughts that aren't related to the current situation,
such as having your mind replay a song in the middle of a test, 
You should try this.

From "The One Moment Master", written by Martin Boroson :

"The Basic Minute:

1. Create a place of solitude

2. SIt down

3. Place your legs in a relaxed but fixed position

4. Sit Up

5. Set your alarm for exactly one minute

6. Place your hands in a relaxed but fixed position

7. Close your eyes

8. Allow your mind to settle into your breathing

9. When the alarm sounds, stop"

The "Basic Minute Test" will change nothing.
But nothing is something.


By irisjoan · March 5, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

Ok, If you're not a VIP you won't understand what I'm feeling. 
It's like, there's this hidden adrenaline inside me about to explode, just waiting for the right time.
More like just waiting for the day Bigbang is coming back.

It's been 1 year of listening to boring, repeated, ordinary Kpop tracks.
It's been 1 year of watching beautiful mv with no special elements to spark that wow in me. 
Maybe when you've tasted the best, nothing else fits for you.

Now that the best is back, i don't even bother looking at other groups! LOL.

Well, i guess each fandoms face this, be it VIPS etc.


Psst, excuse me people, THE KINGS ARE BACK. Make way!


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I can totally feel their depression in the song. It's heartbreaking.


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I swear this MV is epic. How long has it been since we saw them dancing in synchronization?


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In my opinion, this is very Bigbang + 2ne1! You can imagine them having a collaboration!

Fantastic baby is suppose to have a MV, but it's yet to release! So here's the preview.

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The chanting chorus is so addictive ohgosh.


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Love dust feels like a brand new Bigbang. Gives me goosebumps everytime i hear it.


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Daesung has really come back stronger than ever. Listening to him sing, is like... a Luxury.


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The first time an Intro track got onto music ranking charts! Need me say more? It's Bigbang's revenge to shut all those haters up.

Feels like my life is complete. If i died without ever listening to Bigbang's songs, or even hearing Jiyong's rap, i would've died in vain.


By irisjoan · March 4, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

You're too blinded, always too anxious to prove that you weren't in the wrong.

If it's your side of the story that you're only willing to hear, if it's your shoes that you always want people to be in,

then I see why I no longer get disappointed anymore.


If I should apologize for being worried and concern about you,

Maybe I should apologize to myself for being w you.


For it's the 101st time, Im wondering if we should be apart.


By irisjoan · March 2, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

Friends - people with benefits to provide.

Some friends, call me only when they need me.
Some friends, call me to brag for an ego boost.
Some friends, call me not.
Because they ring me from the heart.

In the silent world of the observer, things are very clear.
I may not mention, because i don't want to weigh myself down with such unnecessary things.

However, it has come to a time whereby i realised all these isn't fair at all.
Time, we deserve more.

I've never actually met someone who made me more than comfortable to be with,
never met someone who gives me so much courage and support indirectly,
never met someone whose little gestures showed how pure the heart is.

There's a saying. You either get led astray, or meet the best friends of your life in Poly.
I'd say, i've experienced the latter.

For the girl who zones out, the girl who hides her soft heart, the girl who buries her sorrows, the girl who seems to be weighed down by a thousand things, and the girl who never wakes.

It's my deepest regret that we couldn't enjoy more of the days like before.
I hope the next 60 days pass in a slow manner, so we can soak ourselves in this circle of warmth.
For the first time in my life, i truly wonder...

"What do I do, without you?"


By irisjoan · January 26, 2012 · 0 Comments ·

Things been going well for me.
Thanks to the people around me, I'm pretty sure i'll be able to cope with the never ending pile of work coming up.

I've gotten pretty sentimental recently.
I look around and wonder how much more time i have to cherish this moment.
When all these work and stress go away, it means it's time to move on.
All these friendship, all these comfort, I've settled in too much.
I'll never find another better project group, which such diligent and hardworking people.
I'll never find another better jap cds friend, who brought so much joy, comfort and laughter to me.

Maybe it's time.
But rest assured, i'll never forget the way you look into my eyes. 
Intense, charming, and inviting.

UPDATE - 2012 (GASP!)

By irisjoan · December 31, 2011 · 0 Comments ·

Fireworks to end off the year of 2011! Goodbye!!
Wrapping up the year, i can only and really say, it's a year of exposure.

1. Made new friends
2. Adapted to a new environment
3. Learnt new things
4. Adapted to a new system
5. Gathered a lot more courage
6. Became more confident
7. Modelled
8. Grew fatter (HAHA!)
9. Learnt Japanese
10. Let loose

Since 2011 pushed me to a whole new level,
and i managed to fulfill most of my resolutions, 
I'm ready to come head to head with 2012.
Bring it on yo!

Honestly, i've been thinking, and i realised i missed out on a lot of things i loved.
I wasted a year gathering courage to dance, i didn't have chance to write the essays i love,
i took very little pictures, i stumbled around my track at times, i pushed away a lot of opportunities that came my way.
Well, i guess life is just a give and take. Hopefully those that i've given up this year, will come my way in 2012.

So, Resolutions for the Year 2012:

1. Hair to be over-the-chest kind of length. 
You know, i can't stop admiring girls with long and wavy hair. Beautiful!

2. Good GPA!
I'm gonna push my 3.3 up till at least a 3.5. I can do it.

3. Learn the art of identifying bad friends.
I'm going to a new class in april 2012, and that means i'll be leaving my lovely babes. :(
So, in order to avoid being friends with negative people, i need to open my eyes wide.

4. Have another great breakthrough.

5. Go clubbing once when i turn 18.
HAHAHA Lesixies, wait for me! :D

The thought of 2012 makes me happy, because it means it's my 6th year being a VIP!
I bet all VIPs are excited for 2012. Well as you can see, Bigbang faced all kinds of obstacles this year.
Daesung's car crash, Jiyong' marijuana case etc. We were all feeling tensed for them.
Thank God they are all fine now.
Hopefully 2012 will be a smooth sailing year for them, and i know Bigbang will bring kpop to a new height.
Oh and pst, i love you Jiyong. <3

Going to head for a countdown with the guys!


By irisjoan · December 25, 2011 · 0 Comments ·

Merry Christmas! 
The year is about to end, and i thought it's time i look back at my new year resolutions.

  1. Get into desired Poly course/ Jc, and do well in the sch!
    I feel that i succeed in this. Not only did i get into my 1st choice BSG @ TP, i even got streamed into Dip in Bus. And a pretty good GPA, what's more to be unsastisfied about? Plus I'm glad to be part of LeSixies, Wolfron, and my wonderful project group. Life can't get better.
  2. Seek for a new passion!
    Well honestly, i didn't manage to find a new passion. Instead, i got back my courage. I broke the news to my parents, about really wanting to dance despite all the problems i'm gonna face. But i guess there're obstacles to get back on track, so i shall take a step at a time. Even if it takes a few years before i can truly resume, i wouldn't mind putting in that extra bit of effort.
  3. Go Japan/ Korea! (jiyong ahhhh~~<3)
    DID NOT HAPPEN THIS YR LOL. BUT!!! I signed up to go for a school trip to korea! So i guess this dream is not so far afterall. Jiyong oppa, wait for me!
    The guy who gets ticklish all over when you lie on his shoulder for too long, cannot stand musicals, and has split personalities, is still here with me, Thank god.
  5. Hammie gets healthier and continue being a part of my family! :)
    Ah... To be honest i knew it wasn't exactly possible. But Hammie left earlier than i expected. I love you Hammie, i hope you've gone to a better place above. :) <p>Come to think of it, this year has been a pretty peaceful year. Especially after settling down in poly, days went by smooth and fast. I've tried and exposed to so many new things, it's really refreshing. I never liked feeling stagnant, but this year i felt like i made a step forward in life. It's the fulfilling feeling that keeps me going and going.

    I'm gonna spend Christmas with my dearest people, @ Eug's house. When i went to bake at his house, i felt warmth, the way the guys put in effort to set up the place for the party, it's like everyone treasures this friendship we have together. Hopefully everything will go smooth tomorrow, let's party people! </p> <p>I CAN FINALLY SEE PIPI TMR HEHE.


By irisjoan · December 8, 2011 · 0 Comments ·

It seems like my tears are nothing to you now.
You no longer feel me when i'm hurting, do you?

I smiled, giving you a chance to subside my unhappiness.
But you took it that i forgot about it, and acted ignorant.
When did you become so pretentious?

If i didn't love you, i would've smiled and act like nothing happen.
Am i suppose to become as pretentious as you?
Will that stop me from being miserable?

All i needed was a "i'm sorry", time and again.
That was all i needed, you to be sincerely apologetic, without me asking any apologies from you.
But what you showed, was that you didn't see why you should apologise.
You acted like you're the victim.
Are you the victim in this relationship?

You make me so vengeful i feel like punching you in the face, honestly. 
There's this urge in me, to swear at you, because you deserve it.

I don't need someone who hurts me, and don't see where he's gone wrong, or that he's even wrong. 
I don't need a guy whose pride is his life.

Right, i may be helpless without you.
But hey, i've lived without you.
And i will live on fine as well, eat that.

I didn't love you to be miserable.